Jeder ist allein. : archive message rss about second self

I've got my book, I've got my dream, I've got myself and I'll be fine.

PSA: for a variety of reasons, I will no longer be posting much personal content on my tumblrs. Over the next few weeks I’ll be marking photos with my face in them as private, and will be likely doing the same to much of my personal venting. Eventually I will be moving those text posts themselves to my archive (a private dw journal)

Any of my daily life journaling will be on my friends-locked dreamwidth, rodya; you can find me elsewhere as listed on my flavors, and you’re welcome to add me wherever you’d like!

I’m not doing this to be unfriendly, just to separate my professional and personal lives a little bit, since tumblr’s so public! I don’t intend for my blogs to be totally devoid of personal content (I might make a text post here and there, and will be interacting with fandom stuff as usual), and am just as happy as ever to get to know people, since I’m not just a reblogging robot, haha. I just feel that this is a choice that’s right for me.

Thank you!

PS: I have 63 pages of likes to queue to my blogs; I’ll actually have stuff posting soon!

I’m twenty-one years old and I’m losing it and sometimes I think I never really had it, because I didn’t, I really didn’t, I live in passed time but when I try to slip into the reality of it it shocks me — was I ever really nineteen? Was I seventeen? Did I ever not speak three languages, and did I ever speak more? How many people have I been, how many places have I loved, how many scars do I have on my scalp after so much time? About that last point — no, really. I think by now if you shaved my head that’s all you’d see. Why do even numbers feel different than odd numbers, and why do I feel myself in mountains, and why do I sometimes feel like a shell? It all turns cliche in the end, it’s all down to patterns. I write the same words over and over (— if I shaved my thoughts down to the words and I lined them all up, how many times would I and write and the and same and words and over and and and over once more appear?), and over and over and over and over. I’m ouroboros, I’m stuck in a loop. I’m okay with that, mostly, actually, except for when I come to a halt. I need to be shaken up. I need to look at things critically. I need to focus on the real world, maybe. It’s just that I like it so much in my head. Or maybe I’m in my heart?

I’ve been taking a lot of night walks lately (or in tonight’s case dusk walks — I meant to see the end of the sunset from the field, but I ended up leaving a little too late). I like when the sun’s gone and it’s cool. I like the silence except for distant cars and insects. I like looking at the lines from streetlights and the light from houses near and far. I like those little glimpses into people’s lives. Sometimes it overwhelms me so much, and it’s the only love I really know. I think about what they’re thinking about when they watch their war movie or take down their laundry or do the dishes. I don’t know them at all but from what I hear when I walk beneath their window, and somehow it’s the most beautiful thing. Beauty is ordinary and I love feeling home everywhere because I can connect for a second through interactions like that.

12.07.14 - night walk


Beautifully Repeating Skeletal Sculptures by Monika Horčicová

Czech artist Monika Horčicová creates sculptures using the repeating forms of the human skeleton. Far from being creepy, her works are beautifully complex studies of a familiar form, revealed through the use of unusual orientations and numbers.

Her “Wheel of Life” is a perfect example. Here we see 58 repeating legs and feet arrayed in a wheel-like form; the knees remaining straight until they reach the ground in what looks like a never-ending series of forward steps. At the center, or hub of the sculpture, is a fused series of hip bones forming a perfect fan.

(via aspiring-tank)


The “Codex Rotundus” owes its name to its round shape. It is a small book of hours (9 cm diameter) made in Bruges in 1480. Thumbnails are most likely from the workshop of Dutchman Willem Date illuminator (active from 1450 to 1482). (Hildesheim Cathedral Library, Germany)

(via mutedtempest)


'Can I get an idea? Tell me what did I do? Tell me what did I say? Tell me what did I prove?'

(via mpusa)


48 Shades of Lightning 
Taken from last night’s thunderstorm.
(color hues are unretouched)

(via spineflorets)


Snow Tokyo 2012 by Pietro Zuco on Flickr.



Green/Blue Horizontal (2005) by Sandy Smith

(via cockpitrecordings)